Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
