it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
