Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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