Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Watching her eat just hurts me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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