I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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