Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
