he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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