The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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