im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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