God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry about my life...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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