i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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