Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
