So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
