You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
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We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
