he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
