Screwed.edu
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
