with your own penis?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
