You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
