how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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