i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
