i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
