You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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