Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
