i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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