I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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