I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
