i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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