I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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