Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
