i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
