i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
