I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
