If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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