never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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