Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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