Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
