I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
