Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
