Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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