This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
