I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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