There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
