Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
