I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
