Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
