after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
