bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
