hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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