I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
