i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
